Academic Conventions and the Opposition

After doing a close reading of The Politics of Tutoring: Feminism Within the Patriarchy, I have learned many of the ways that contemporary academics attempt to subvert the dominant paradigm of academic discourse within writing courses and writing centers. It is through this subversion that these academics try to create an environment within the writing center that is conducive to growth and learning while also maintaining an egalitarian relationship between the writing center staff and the student writers who utilize the important resources available within the writing center atmosphere.

In Feminism Within the Patriarchy, Meg Woolbright gives the reader an example of a conference between a student writer and a tutor over an assignment, then outlines the conversation between Woolbright and the tutor after the conference, discussing actions that occurred within the original dialogue. Throughout this essay, Woolbright provides implicit guidance to writing center tutors by explicitly outlining what not to do within the tutoring session when the tutor wants to maintain a feminist pedagogical ethic. As a feminist versed in feminist theories and ideologies, I found this essay to be very consistent with contemporary feminist thought. In addition, the implicit guidance provided gave me a stronger sense of how to practice feminist tutoring within the patriarchal academic hegemony of the university.

Probably the most explicit of Woolbright’s implicit guidance is that the tutor must maintain equanimity, with regard to power and control in the tutoring session, while operating within and through the academy. It is often difficult for tutors to stay focused on sharing the power of guiding and leading the tutoring session when the tutor feels the need to provide guidance and direction in order to ensure the student will receive the best grade he or she can receive on an assignment, the focus of academe. Woolbright attempts to clarify that the goal of the tutor within a university writing center—feminist-centered or not—is to help the student, not the text. Writing centers aiming toward a feminist ethic want to focus on bringing out the characteristics of vibrancy, sensuousness, open-endedness, and a personal voice from the student writers that they serve (68). This is set in direct contrast to the “linear, objective, abstract, tightly argued prose” of the patriarchal, phallocentric academy (68). Woolbright wants the feminist writing center to be a place where tutors and student writers are working together as equals to, as Woolbright quotes from Clara Juncker, “liberate the tortured voice” (68).

Another concept that Woolbright briefly mentions in her essay is Nancy Schniedewind’s “five process goals against which we can measure our interactions with students” (69):
1. Development of an atmosphere of mutual respect, trust, and community
2. Shared leadership
3. A cooperative structure
4. Integration of cognitive and affective learning
5. Action
Through these five goals, writing center tutors can judge the sessions that they participate in to determine the amount of equanimity that is maintained, and can make judgments on the changes that may need to occur in order to attain the ideal feminist writing center.

The primary problem that Meg Woolbright reveals is that, too often, these individuals who are working toward a feminist ethic within the university writing center are grappling with a large amount of inner conflict and turmoil when they are involved in a tutoring session. When tutors think one thing and say another they themselves are subverting the feminist goal by not discussing the conflict of interests/ideas with the dominant ideology of the academic setting. When this conflict is unexpressed – and often leading questions asked, leaving the student writer to “guess” the correct answer – leadership is not shared, decision-making is not mutual and participatory, and it places the cooperative structure very much in doubt (74).

A lack of conflict-expression can lead to forcing the student writer to view writing through a very narrow and specific lens of thinking. This constricted method inhibits the student writer’s intellectual ability and can prevent any intellectual conflict, which may lead to cognitive growth (75). Also, ignoring the response of a student to the writing is dismissing, in effect, cognitive and affective responses to writing. A student writer may feel as though the tutor is not authorizing her or his unique and valuable voice. This individual voice is imperative not only to the feminist ideology, but also to the academic sphere for the continuation of academic discourse.

Paraphrasing Schniedewind and others, Woolbright expresses that “interactions with students ought to be conversations with equals, based on the student’s own experience, taking place in an atmosphere of trust, respect, nurturance” (78). This statement, more than any other in this essay, truly gets at the essence of the goal in creating a feminist writing center. Every person has a valid opinion and idea that is listened to by the other individuals around her or him. Ira Shor is paraphrased as saying that “alienation is the number one problem in education today” (79). Until we as writing center staff look at and admit the conflicts we experience while fighting against the patriarchal academic hegemony, the people whom we tutor and work with are going to bear the outcome of that inner conflict by being cheated, shorted, and devalued in their writing center sessions, whether they consciously recognize this or not.

The final point that Woolbright makes is that we must give student writers the power. She writes, “only if we present our students with the options and the power to choose, will we be truly honest and will feminism – and good tutoring – have any chance at all.” (79). This really is a statement that rings true in my mind, being educated in feminist theory and ideology, because it really is about the power being placed in the hands of those who need to make the decisions. Until we as writing center staff give the power and option completely to the student writers, we still carry in our actions the innate patriarchy against which we are fighting.

Through discussing and analyzing the transcript and post-session discussion from a writing tutor who identifies as being a feminist, Meg Woolbright both explicitly and implicitly provides guidance to those of us who are starting out in the university writing center with a desire to work in a feminist atmosphere. Each point that Woolbright makes works with those ideas presented before and after it to create an intricate web of knowledge that is shared to promote subversion of the dominant paradigm, the sharing of power and choice within academe, and to provide a net upon which feminist tutors may walk in order to more fully understand the finite details necessary for gaining equality and equanimity within the writing center, within the academic setting, and perhaps within the nation at large. It is only through open and honest conversation that we are able to learn from one another.

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Woolbright, Meg. “The Politics of Tutoring: Feminism Within the Patriarchy.” The St. Martin’s Sourcebook for Writing Tutors, 2nd edition. Eds. Christina Murphy and Steve Sherwood. New York: Bedford/St. Martin’s, 2003. Pages 67-80.

Maybe

Maybe I try too hard to write about the things I know.

Maybe I don't realize all the things I do know.

Maybe I pretend to know more than I do.

Maybe I am afraid to learn new things to write about.

Maybe there is a perverse security in writing about the traumatic events.

Maybe I don't want the pain to go away.

Maybe my writing would be better if I wrote about something new, something else.

Maybe it would just be different.

Maybe I should stop thinking and just write.

***

As a writer, I often find myself getting too caught up in the "brain" part of writing. I know that there isn't enough space on my bookshelves for all of my books, and yet I still want to be surrounded by them. I want to be wrapped in a cocoon of words. Nothing can penetrate the fierce shield I have created with language.

And yet, it is those things that are without language that I cling to the hardest. It is those pre-verbal experiences, the sights and sounds and smells that I had no words for when they existed, and now cannot express except through emotion. I know them when they happen, though. The smell of Copenhagen (smokeless tobacco) makes me gag. Lever 2000 makes me vomit and hold my breath. When a man walks behind me I become scared he will attack me. I want to be impressive and desirable and wanted, because if I am not then I see no point in existing.

Okay. It isn't always that serious. But it is hard to find worth when self-worth is based on being useful to someone else.

It just hurts, my chest cavity, like my heart is ripping and hands are shredding my lungs. Each movement, each act of being, takes so much work that I am exhausted after a short amount of time ... I do not understand it.

People tell me I am good at "hiding" it, that they would never guess all the things I have gone through and all the secrets I hide. I am glad for that. Most often I do not need sympathy or pity or someone else's guilt.

Unfortunately, there are days that I just want someone to hold me and comfort me and tell me that everything will be alright.

On those days, I write.

The Writer's Wardrobe *Womyn-Centered Post*

Claiming to be a writer myself, and spending a large amount of time around writers, I have seen trends and similarities within the wardrobes of writers. I really only notice the femelle writers, so that's all I'm going to talk about.

However, I think it is interesting and important to discuss the merits of having certain items in your wardrobe to ensure success as a writer.

**Black Pants. In multiples. Everyone wears black. It is slimming, comfortable, and says "I don't need no freakin' colored pants" when you wear it. It looks good on anyone, also.

The thing about pants is this, though: If you are short, try to avoid "short pants" UNLESS they are "short pants" made for short people. Anything that shows less than four inches of leg at the bottom just looks silly, especially if they are flared. Short womyn, stick to slightly flared pants. Peg-legs make us look shorter. I promise. (I am short, so I can say this from experience.)

**A nice, crisp white blouse. Black and white contrast so nicely, and this shirt says "I'm the Boss" on your first day of teaching. Just don't spill coffee on it before class.

Blouses also have a caveat. If you are a busty womyn, make certain that all those little gaps in-between the buttons are somehow closed or are non-existent. Unless you want all those people you walk and talk with to see the pretty lace bow on your brand-new ivory balconette bra, unless you're not wearing one, in which case all they see is skin. That can be taunting, or daunting. Velcro or snaps can make those gaps go away, as can buying a shirt that is a little larger and having it tailored. With your six-figure profit from your writing, of course.

**Skirts. I know, I know. It's hard, but sometimes we should all wear a skirt. Long or short, that doesn't matter. I prefer shorter - some just-below the knee, others slightly (less than 1") above the knee. There are three basic styles of skirts, though: the A-line, which is fitted across the hips and thighs and widens out (not the best for those trying to hid their middles/hips); the pencil, which is fitted across the hips and thighs and is fairly narrow the entire way down (this is also not the best for those trying to hide something, and is NOT good for running in); and the flounce, which is a very flattering look for anyone. It is loose, movable, and not at all restricting. Some people think negatively of it, the "flowing hippy skirts" and all that, but it very tasteful when done well.

Long skirts are nice, but try to avoid the long pencil skirt, as it can inhibit movement and you don't want to fall while walking across the stage during an award ceremony for your new book!

**A sleeveless turtleneck. Unless you ABSOLUTELY HATE your arms, let this classic keep you warm in the Autumn while still letting you wear a cardigan, if you get too cold, without being bulky. Something around your neck keeps you much warmer than you think ...

**A cowl-neck top. This one happens to be sleeveless, but there are some GREAT cowl-neck sweaters out there. The cowl is cozy, keeps you warm and is a flattering drape for any bust size. And, I think it looks awesome.

**A cashmere sweater. Every grrl needs one. It's like melted butter under your fingers, without all the greasy-stickiness. Wonderful. I chose a cardigan because of it's versatility ... You can wear it all year round.

**A deep-neck cardigan. This is great for womyn with small chests, and for those of us who have it and don't mind if it is accentuated a little. These are nice for wearing over square-neck camisoles or tees.

**Solid tees and knit shirts. Pair black or tan or brown pants with a solid top, and you CAN'T go wrong. You can even wear a brown top with a black skirt ... It'll look fabulous.

**A good suit. If you find one you like and fits well, get it in more than one color. That is okay. An ill-fitting suit can break that first impression before you even open your mouth. It is sad, but true.

**A pair offlats. These are the shoes to wear with many skirts. If you're short, that's okay now. We can wear flats, too. Get them in different colors and styles, but stay away from the pointy-toe flats. Pointed shoes need at least a 1.5" heel to look successful.

**T-Strap heels. They remind me of the flamenco dancers of the 1940s and 1950s, from whom the style originted. Gotta love 'em. And they're secy, without being risque.

**A nice coat. One that covers your hips for the winter, but is still light enough to wear in Autumn and Spring. We want to get the most wear out of our wardrobe, right?

**A pretty scarf. Paisley, floral, print, it doesn't matter. Pretty is what counts. Silk is best, rayon or nylon or polyester is okay. It should have a sheen to it, a sparkle.

**A purse/satchel big enough to hold all your papers (if you're teaching) or the drafts of your manuscripts and a journal and a book to read. If you're a multitasker, than it should be enough to also hold things like a small knitting project or audio equipment (iPod or other player), but small enough to prevent losing things. Compartments are nice, as are lots of multi-use pockets.

**A good dress. This one isn't my favorite, but it is the right style: fitted in some spots, flared in others, not too clingy, and flattering to most body types.

**A bra with clear straps>. I know, this sounds silly, but trust me. When you want to wear that bataeu-neck top and your strapless bra is the wrong color, thank me. Sure, you can still see the straps sometimes, but overall, they're not glaring at you. And, they do make clear straps for busty womyn. Check Lane Bryant for a GREAT selection of nice bras for bigger womyn. I wish I had found them WAY before my surgery ... I would have been much happier.

**A shameless convertable bra. These are turly a gift for those womyn who wear dresses with "interesting" strap configurations. I wear mine more often than I thought I would, simply because it comes in so handy when I want to wear strapless or funny-strapped outfits. Get one that fits and is comfortable; it is a worthwhile investment.

**Seamless underthings. Please. Panty-lines are NOT your friend.

But, the most important item to have in your wardrobe is this:
The snese to know that I'm just one person, and NOT an expert, and I want you to wear whatever it is that makes you feel good about yourself and that you are comfortable in. I can't tell you what to wear.

I think you all look great, anyway.

Here's to the womyn writers of the world!

New Definition

Today I learned a new definition for the word blase.

According to the New American Webster Handy College Dictionary, the first definition of blase is:

"satiated with pleasure."

Now, when the second definition, and perhaps more commonly used definition, is "bored," that presents an interesting contrast.

Food for thought.

Guardian

Come
stay with me tonight—
my bed is small
but I will share.

Bring your most comfortable pajamas
we’ll have a sleepover—
teenage girls again,
giggling and painting each other’s nails.
No talk of boys though;
they are the reason I need you here.

I warn you — I kick
unless your skin is touching mine,
I think you are him.

Can we just pretend?

Lie next to me — hold me as a lover
I know you are kind.

Keep me safe when he enters my dream.

Things That Would Come in Handy

Right now, the three pieces of *small* larger office equipment that would make like much better are:

1. My own printer/scanner/copier, maybe with a fax, too. A desktop one, like one of those square ones or rectangle ones that sit really nicely on a bookshelf and make me very happy. I would really like to have my own printer for those time when I'm lazy and don't want to walk to the Library, and for when I want to print things like corrected business cards and writing on pretty paper.

2. A paper-shredder. Just one of those little 8-sheet ones with a catch-basket underneath. I think they're pretty inexpensive. I get tired of having to tear up all my multiple extra copies of drafts of my writing. A shredder would make life much simpler, and would go faster.

3. A filing cabinet. I can't wait to buy a filing cabinet. Just one of those little, two-drawer jobbies that hold so much. Because then, I can have all of my stuff - like, my business stuff (insurance, taxes, documents, etc) - in one drawer, and my writing drafts in the other drawer, and I know where EVERYTHING is. Because, for an almost OCD, organized person like myself, not having enough space to properly store things drives me CRAZY. Like, bugshit on the window crazy.

***

The only other thing that would make me really happy is a piano to play. I am feeling a dearth of music in my life, music that I create. The piano in the lobby of my dorm is so out-of-tune that it is painful to hear. Sometimes, I do it just because I need to play. I'm envious of my sistir and hir keyboard. At this point, even a keyboard would be enough, with a pair of nice headphones, so that I could play all I want. I miss those ivories under my fingers.

And, allowing one's self multiple creative outlets tends to only enhance each of the creative pursuits. This means music=better writing, and I need all the help I can get.

Unwelcome Memories

I want to make love to the moon tonight.

Incandescent white light spills over my figure, relaxed on a bed of slatted wood, suspended in water. Hir reflection leads to me. Through my lenses shi wears a halo; hir edges blur through lust and longing.

A love song beats against the sand, daring, pushing, willing me to take the next step. Only a brave person would kiss the moon. Wisps of cloud-hair float against my skin. I remember the feel of my lover's hands, now given to another's senses. A tremble of oxygen escapes my lips.

Shi is almost whole; the full lips of the horizons part to allow hir passage through.

I remember, as a child, watching the center of a bridge parting to grant passage to a tankership. The pieces moaned and growled when separated, and lay silent together. I watched in wonder, my own small frame understanding each sound as if I was their maker.

A temperate East wind tickles my neck, my back, my breasts, my toes. Sweet nothings whisper on that intimate breeze; the moon sending wishes, and warnings. Do I take that next step: do I say hello to hir? Suddenly I realize that the Moon knows all my secrets -- ill-fated attraction, overactive lust, the need to be desired to know self-worth.


I am ashamed, much the same as when a lover sees the scars from a poorly-healed surgery. I am afraid of the light, afraid that the me I hide in skin-tight clothes behind crimson lips will be spotted, will escape and demand the love and respect that I do not know understand how to give.

Dangerous lovers are easy; they ask for little emotional attachment, and don't care how you treat yourself. A vessel, a bundle of flesh and sex and something to hold onto, is all they want. I miss that. Leaving danger behind isn't scary; it's figuring out what to do instead that terrifies me.

So I lay open to the moon.

I bare my heart to hir touch, and hir icy fingers wipe at my tears. Clouds glimmer in hir reflected energy.

To avoid a lover's quarrel, I concede. My promise sounds sincere in the crisp September air.

"I will learn to love myself."

Shi will come to me every night to be sure.

In my chilled, bare-skin way, like many lovers before hir, I kiss and walk away.